Hey, If anyone ever reads this, hey.
Firstly, a disclaimer, I might not actually be a ghost. Ok I’m not a ghost, not really, but sometimes I wonder whether I exist in some sort of fucked up real life sixth sense scenario and I died 20 years ago, its just no-one has the heart to tell me.
You know those old 80’s movies where they’d have someone in a picture and they were fading out unless everything was put back exactly how it should be, that’s the ghost part, that’s how I feel right now. If I carry on with this blog you’ll read why, there’ll be no melodramatics here, no exaggeration, just cold hard truth of what’s it’s like to have your life changed beyond recognition when you’re barely an adult, and the continual fight to figure out how the hell to survive it.
This is me raw, its anonymous so it doesn’t matter. I’ll be at my best and my worst, and I plan to pour it all out, come with me if you want.
So that’s the ghost part, why the Guns N Roses? Simply because they have been my band since I was 14, before it happened, and all the way through. Not in a super fan kind of way, not in the walls plastered with posters, know everything and anything there is to know way, in fact I didn’t even know anything about the band, who was in it, what they looked like, what their names were for a very long time. It was about music, a soundtrack to every emotion felt, music winding like ribbon through my life, wrapped round my memories, those that take the the breath from me with their beauty, and those like a knife to my scarred heart with each recollection. One day I hope so much to hear that music live.
Just over a month ago I sat and cried with frustration, hopelessness, disappointment, and disillusion for three hours straight while someone else took my ticket and went with my brother and friends to see them. I’d got the ticket in hope, I worked so hard for seven months to recover enough, to be strong enough, and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough, I was so so far away from being strong enough, and I still am as I type this. But one day, if I have a body strong enough to see Guns N Roses one day, I’ll know I’m not a ghost anymore.
One more thing, for people who like the band, I hope you enjoy the GnR lyrics that header my posts it makes me smile choosing them.